I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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