Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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