how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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