she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
