i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Randomize
