I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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