New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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