is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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