i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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