God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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