forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
