Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
