NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
