just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
