yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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