My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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