I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
God I need to hump something, right now.
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