You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
someone threw a dead crab at me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
