watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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