Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
