You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have aggressive nipples.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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