she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
