Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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