I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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