he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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