i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
