i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
