Small penises have feelings too.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
