Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
