Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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