he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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