Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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