He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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