A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
