I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We are two peas in an std pod
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
