if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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