it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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