can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize