You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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