So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
