and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
