I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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