I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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