Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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