Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
