Soap is not a condiment
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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