She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
