I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize