and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
