wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
