I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
