I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
