You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
