He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
