that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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