There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
