So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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