Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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