Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
